


The Desecrated Temple

by astolat



Category: Dungeons and Dragons (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M, Post-Finale, Sex Pollen, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-05 23:07:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astolat/pseuds/astolat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Okay, seriously," Eric had said, when they'd made it inside the doors and gotten an eyeful of the interior decorating, which took things to a whole new level of anatomical improbability. "Forget the kid. <em>I'm</em> not old enough to be here. How about we try the next desecrated temple down the road?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Desecrated Temple

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tzigane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tzigane/gifts).



> Takes place some time after [the unaired series finale](http://www.dungeonsdragonscartoon.com/2009/08/requiem.html), and assumes the kids chose to stay in the Realm and keep on adventuring together, and that they're by now a few years older.

The trouble with Dungeon Master, Eric decided not for the first time, was he always left out the really important details. Sure, a desecrated temple, no sweat. He and Bobby and Diana could tag-team undead skeletons all day long by now. Except yeah, then they got to the Temple of Haliana, and one look at the statues right out front by the gates made it clear that even before the desecrating had happened, this hadn't been what you'd call an age-appropriate place for Bobby to hang out in.

"Huh," Presto had said, staring. "Do you think people can really, uh, do that?"

"What?" Bobby said, trying to pull Sheila's hand away from his eyes. "What? Lemme see! What is it?"

"No," Sheila said. Her face was about as red as her hair.

So the plan had taken a fast revision, namely Bobby and Sheila and Diana and Presto had all opted for heading straight back to town — well, Bobby hadn't gotten to cast his own vote, but nobody was listening to him on the subject anyway — which left the good old Cavalier to cover Hank's back inside the creepazoid sex temple.

"Okay, seriously," Eric had said, when they'd made it inside the doors and gotten an eyeful of the interior decorating, which took things to a whole new level of anatomical improbability. "Forget the kid. _I'm_ not old enough to be here. How about we try the next desecrated temple down the road?"

"Just — just don't look at it," Hank said. He was blushing and staring at the floor. "I'm sure Dungeon Master wouldn't have sent us here if it wasn't important."

And yeah, okay, it had been pretty important by some definition. Once they fought their way past the handful of creepy ooze monsters in the hallway and found the remaining sex goddess worshippers hiding terrified in a vault, it turned out these guys had gotten ambitious and decided to summon themselves a demon to go all night long, except they got the wrong kind of demon. Assuming there was any _right_ kind of demon, which Eric in his too-well-informed opinion doubted.

"It — it ate half the celebrants," the ashen-faced and scantily clad high priest said, clinging to Hank's arm. "We have managed to pen it in the sanctuary, but it won't stay for long, and it's been sending out those creatures to try and destroy the rest of us. Please, you must help us!"

"You people need help all right," Eric said. "Were you unclear on the concept of _demon_ , or were you all just high?"

"We were all high," the priest said, nodding unhappily. "Very, very high."

"What?" Hank said, blushing some more. If the poor guy got any redder he was going to pop along the seams like a cooked tomato.

Eric just rolled his eyes. "Figures. So which way is this sanctuary? And do you guys have anything sharp and pointy around here I can borrow, or is it all big blunt phallic objects?"

They did dig up a spear for him, which Eric appreciated for the reach, since yep, the demon was one of the gross oozy sticky ones. With tentacles.

He still ended up slimed and disgusting by the end of the fight. Afterwards, he wasn't ready to forgive the worshippers even after they heaped him with garlands and apologies. "Save the flowers and get me a _bath_ ," he said shortly. Things appeared to get better at that point, since they showed him to the temple bathing room, which holy sweet god had _hot running water_ and a giant soaking tub and a _shower_ and soap that smelled _good_ , a little like oranges --

Eric scrubbed and scrubbed and spent about fifteen glorious minutes soaking in luxury, actually _clean_ for once, and then everything went to hell. Several of the "priestesses" — and yeah, Eric was scare-quoting them at this point, because no way was this a real religion. Real religion involved people yelling long boring sermons at you and telling you to be good, not throwing orgies and smoking up. Not that this didn't look like a whole lot more fun, but still.

Anyway, so a half dozen hot babes in see-through dresses came in and offered to express their gratitude. "Not that I'm not flattered, because I'm not, seeing as how you guys wanted to make time with a _demon_ — " Eric started saying.

"Okay," Hank interrupted.

Eric whipped his head around so fast he nearly threw his neck out, and that was when he noticed that Hank was still really flushed, and glassy-eyed on top of it, and also had a hard-on that wouldn't have looked all that far out of place on the nearby statuary.

Eric stood up out of the tub and grabbed his shield and the spear, which he'd prudently kept in range. "Back off," he said flatly, waving the still-slimy point dangerously at the maidens, who all squealed and jumped back. "What the hell is wrong with him?"

#

"I am sorry that you are not open to Haliana's loving embrace," the high priest said earnestly. "It is the spiritual emanations of our worship."

"More like the emanations of whatever weed you're all smoking!" Eric said, fighting to keep the shield between him and Hank's hands, of which apparently he now had six or so. "Turn it _off_."

The high priest looked confused. "But when we tried, you nearly attacked the acolytes -- "

"Not that way!" Eric said.

The priest looked even more confused.

"Oh, you're kidding me," Eric said under his breath. "How long until it wears off?"

#

"Okay, buddy," Eric said, pushing Hank down at the foot of the tree. "You comfy? Great. Don't move." He took the lead rope off Hank's wrists and started wrapping it around Hank and the tree.

Hank was still pretty dazed. He blinked down at his waist. "Eric, do you really have to tie me up first?"

"It's just for a couple of days," Eric said, pulling the knot tight. "I hope. At least those bastards gave me some food."

"But when are we going to have sex?" Hank said plaintively.

"Never in a million years," Eric said under his breath. "Uh, after a nap, okay? I'm pretty tired."

Hank sighed. "Are you sure we couldn't just go back and — "

"Yes, I am one hundred percent sure," Eric said. "Do you have any idea what kind of diseases those people probably have? Here, just eat some — what is in this bread?" He took a sniff of the filling. "Huh. Chocolate?" He shoved the roll into Hank's hands. It worked as a distraction: Hank held it with both hands and tore into it like one of those wolves in a nature show on PBS.

Eric got a fire going and sat back heavily, watching him eat. At least Hank seemed happy. He'd been happy in the temple, too, staring at the hot priestesses and trying to get his hands down Eric's pants. Now he was getting chocolate smeared over his mouth and fingers, licking them, making pleased moany noises. Eric squirmed where he was sitting, trying to get comfortable himself. It wasn't like the equipment wasn't working, so why _hadn't_ Haliana's freaky emanations gotten to him, too? Not that he was sorry they weren't back at the temple getting laid by a dozen priestesses. He was totally not in the least —

Hank groaned deeply around another bite.

"Oh, for — keep it down!" Eric said. "Jeez, Hank, it's a second-rate chocolate croissant, it's not a — it's not a — "

"I know it's not!" Hank said, still licking his fingers. "You're the one who made us leave. Hey, can we go find the others?"

"Yeah, how about we don't," Eric said. That would go just great. "Let's get some rest, huh?" He rolled himself up in his cloak and tried to get to sleep. Hank kept on making a deep and intimate connection with the chocolate bread thing. Eric squeezed his eyes shut and muttered, "La la la," under his breath.

He fell asleep eventually. Big mistake. He jerked up a couple of hours later and nearly banged heads with Hank, who apparently could get out of being tied up even while he was loopy out of his mind. Hank managed to avoid the collision, even though he was parked across Eric's hips and bent low over him. "Oh, great," Eric said, and tried to sit up, at which point he discovered that Hank had tied _him_ up with the rope instead.

Hank shoved him back down flat easily. "Come _on_ , Eric," he said. "Quit being such a drag." Eric opened his mouth to squawk a protest, and Hank kissed him.

Hank kissed hot and sweet and eager, his hips gently pushing in and out while he worked Eric's mouth over, one deep kiss after another, until he finally pulled back, one last sucking tug on Eric's lower lip.

Panting, Eric stared up at him, his mouth wide open. "Are you _kidding_ me?" His voice cracked high and squeaky on it. Oh god, that was Hank's _dick_ right there, shoved up against his thigh, and his own dick was waking up doing its best to make sure he knew it had no objections to anything about this situation. "Yeah, what do _you_ know about it," Eric muttered down to it.

Hank just grinned down at him, uncomplicated and out of focus, the big purple moon glowing behind him. "Eric," he said, full of affection, and nuzzled at Eric's neck. His big hands were working on Eric's belt, getting it open.

Eric jerked on his wrists. He couldn't get them loose. His stomach was a tight clenched ball, and his dick was stiff. Hank pushed a hand under the chainmail and palmed it gently, a nice easy stroke. Eric squeezed his eyes shut. It felt so _good_. It wasn't even his fault, he'd done his best, he'd done everything he could do, and if he just lay here and let Hank take them the rest of the way —

One last shot. He dragged in a breath and pulled his head away from Hank's warm mouth. "Hank," he said. "Hank, come on. Hank. Listen to me. You've got to stop." He tried to wrench himself up and roll away.

Hank just pinned his shoulder to the ground with an elbow, hummed against Eric's collarbone and kept going. The knot in Eric's stomach tightened into something sharp and painful, like pins and needles inside his gut. Hank was getting his own belt undone. Tears were squeezing out the corners of Eric's eyes — he was breathing in hard gulps. He couldn't, there wasn't anything he could do, except there _was_ , there _was._ Something in his belly he wasn't ready to deal with just yet, except he didn't have a choice, because Hank needed it _now_ , Hank needed him to man up and _do it —_

Eric clenched up, all of him, and he somehow managed to reach out with his bound hands and catch Hank's face between them. "Hank," he said, thin and faint, and then a voice like an ocean wave rolled up out of that deep dark knot in the pit of his stomach and said, " _Be free_."

Light spilled out of his hands, pushed something tar-sticky out of Hank and washed it away, clean brightness shining through him for a moment like a lamp. Hank jerked up, sitting back on his knees, his eyes wide and startled. Eric fell back against the grass panting, the ends of the rope falling away from his wrists, burned through. He felt full, too full, like a cup someone had put too much water in, and _god_ , he'd known somehow, he'd known this was coming, but not so _soon_ —

"How did you _do_ that?" Hank said, his voice wobbly.

"Let's make a deal," Eric said, just as shakily. "I will never speak of this whole thing where you flipped out and put your hand down my pants and you will never speak of whatever the hell it is I just did."

"Oh, god," Hank said, his whole face going bright blotchy red. " _Eric_. I don't — I'm so — " He was looking sick, horrified, and Eric managed to shove himself up on an elbow and grab Hank's arm before Hank fell into the fire trying to apologize and get off and implode from horror at the same time.

"Hey!" Eric said. "No big deal, okay? Try me sometime you're not doped to the gills on sex magic and you might even get supremely lucky. I just didn't feel like a threesome with Halitosis."

Hank didn't get much less red, but at least he stopped looking like he wanted to die instantaneously. "Haliana," he said.

"Yeah, ask me if I care," Eric said. "You okay? No lingering side effects? Other than continuing to find me devastatingly attractive, for which I fear there is no cure — "

Hank actually managed to laugh. "No, I'm — I'm fine," he said, and then blushed right back up, the second he shifted his weight, because, well. Apparently he actually _was_ continuing to —

Eric felt his own face getting red. He hadn't felt embarrassed back when Hank had actually put a hand on his dick, but that wasn't — that hadn't been —

Hank darted one sideways, half-freaked-out look at him, and Eric stared back just as freaked out, and they both decided to go for it at the same time and managed to clobber their heads together in a massively graceful move. "Ow," Hank said, rubbing his forehead.

"Yeah." Eric nursed his nose. "Okay, look, on three, you go left and I'll go right — "

Hank was laughing again, only a little bit high-pitched. Eric slid a hand around his warm broad neck and pulled him down, and they were kissing in the soft grass, kissing for real, just the two of them this time. Eric grabbed at Hank's tunic and Hank struggled to haul the chainmail up over Eric's head, and they got tangled up completely with arms stuck and their boots still on, and who the hell even cared, because they were mostly naked and rubbing all over each other, and wow this was _amazing_.

Eric slung an arm around Hank's neck to get closer, and Hank wrapped his amazing callused hands around their dicks, and they were both already kind of wet and slippery so — "Oh, _shit_ ," Eric said, and came, messily, and Hank moaned once and came right along with him.

They were already lying down, so they didn't fall over, but they collapsed into each other heavily, panting and shaky all over again. But this was a _way_ better reason. Eric pushed his face into the sweaty warm hollow of Hank's neck and breathed him in. Hank had his arms around him and his hands spread out wide over Eric's back, sticky and damp and fantastic.

"Wow," Hank said after a minute.

"Yeah," Eric said.

"Eric," Hank said after another minute.

"No," Eric said. "No, no, and also no. We're not talking about it."

Hank fell quiet. "Okay," he said. "But — thanks."

Eric's eyes felt hot and prickly. "Sure, anytime," he said.

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Paladin of Tyranny](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5602897) by [KayQy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayQy/pseuds/KayQy)




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